The
Midwest Book Review called it "the
ultimate self-help book"! Interviewers
have called it "the dawn of a
new men's movement", and readers
have been enlightened and empowered. Like
Zen and Art of Motorcycle Maintenance,
The Tao of Tango is a journey
of self-discovery which offers deep insights
and highly effective life-transforming
tools anyone can use, whether you dance
or not!
Excerpt
from the Book:
I have often been described as outgoing,
aggressive, impulsive, intimidating, gregarious,
courageous, and daring. Masculine energy
traits. However, I have never been addressed
as “sir”, or even been described
as masculine. In other words, I am feminine
physically, with masculine energy. Apparently,
this can be very disconcerting to the
opposite sex. Equally disconcerting to
women is a man whose female energy is
in control, always nurturing, caring and
sensitive. What’s a woman to do with
a man that cries more than she does? And
when I look about me, I see legions of
people with the same dilemma: physically
feminine women with decidedly masculine
energy traits, or men who’ve pounded
one too many drums. Regardless of gender,
it seems that too many of us have one
thing in common: we are unable to find
a mate that matches our needs.
How
often did I hear, “You are so attractive/funny/interesting/amusing/intelligent,
why aren’t you with a man?”
Yeah?! Why wasn’t I? I never believed
you needed a partner to be “complete”;
a partner should complement you. However,
if I have “dominant masculine energy”,
a woman like me would have to find a man
whose female energy is dominant. But when
these men did present themselves, I overwhelmed
and overpowered them. I was “intimidating”.
On the other hand, I came close to blows
with men whose masculine energy obliterated
their female energy, since if felt they
were trivializing a part of me. I was
a “smart-ass” (which is no surprise
to my mother…). We all appeared to
be energetically out of synch. What was
a girl (or guy) to do?
As
a child I was encouraged to follow my
dreams, be whatever I wanted, not to ask
permission to express my creativity, be
my own person, not depend on any one or
any thing for my happiness and fulfillment.
I have no regrets about this upbringing,
but translating it into a successful relationship
had somehow eluded me.
I
was alternately described as too independent,
too intimidating, too self-sufficient,
too aggressive. We were, however, obviously
not talking about behavior; because even
though I had a really fast sports car
and drove like a guy, I was still perceived
as feminine. But, even though I wore make-up,
knew how to boil water, and cried at manipulative
movies, men still considered me “intimidating”.
I just didn’t get it.
For
years I had been presented with a life
lesson which I was simply unable to internalize:
the basic dynamics between male/female
energies in a committed relationship.
Or any male/female relationship. Period.
I
was told by those wiser than I that my
male/female energies were out of kilter.
Heck, if I couldn’t even distinguish
each in myself (and I was supposedly a
quasi-moderately enlightened and pseudo-partially
open-minded sort of spiritual individual),
how would I ever be able to alter the
balance? And a male/female relationship
within myself? Was such a thing even possible?
The
effort to be more “female/passive”
sent me into a panic and left me feeling
helpless and stupid. I felt like I had
to let myself down, pretending to be weak
when I didn’t feel that way, compromising
my behavior in a way that felt uncomfortable,
manipulative, and ultimately, unsustainable.
Eventually, I was going to hang the damn
picture myself, anyway.
It
just never made sense to me, this “female/passive,
masculine/aggressive” nonsense. Who
decided that women have to be weak and
men strong? We each are the way we are.
I was born strong. I have big bones…The
notion that this male/female energy was
of a more psychic universal nature (and
therefore interactive and malleable) and
not related to behavior (hanging pictures)
was totally lost on me. Like that song
in Oklahoma says, “…how can
I be what I ain’t?” I couldn’t
seem to let go of my own definitions:
Female
= passive, submissive.
Passive
= pushover, pathetic.
Submissive
= victim, loser.
I
could not make the conscious, spiritual
leap from what passive and submissive
on the earth plane meant when applied
to the spiritual, universal male/female
forces.
To
realize that both these energies co-existed
in everyone in varying degrees sounded
nice in theory but just wouldn’t
fit under my skin. I understood that the
balance of these forces was essential
in maintaining any healthy relationship:
with one’s partners, work, environment,
even with oneself. But I couldn’t
imagine how to achieve this energy balance
if it didn’t already exist. I thought
the imbalance was part of the life lesson,
the handicap you had to struggle with
toward “enlightenment”. I had
no idea how I could possibly try to be
what I wasn’t without losing “myself”
in the process. I checked, and although
I found a whole bunch of buttons, none
of them said “reset”.
“Pretending”
to be “feminine” was simply
not an option; not only was it artificial,
at some point the façade was bound
to collapse. I never understood that there
was a monumental difference between male
and female energy and male and female
behavior.
I
had begun to believe that my life was
on an unalterable course in terms of my
relationships and of my spiritual understanding;
of what it meant to be a “modern”
woman, caught between the fierce struggle
for independence and emotional longing
to be cared for; between the outward material
trappings of achievement and the intense
yearning for spiritual growth. Was I going
to have to be “cute” to be loved?
It
seemed hopeless. I could not reconcile
the theory of male and female energy with
its practical application. I could not
see how I could possibly be both “spiritually
balanced” and “materially successful”.
Then
I received that proverbial phone call
that changed everything.
About
Johanna Siegmann:
Born
in New York and raised in Mexico, Johanna's
background is highly eclectic, to say
the least. After graduating from Pitzer
College in California, she returned to
Mexico and embarked on a career as a copywriter.
This eventually led her back to New York
where, after five years of "bigger,
better, and improved", she was bitten
by the incurable acting bug, and writing
was put on hold. She moved to California
in 1991.
Johanna
and Argentine Tango crossed paths in 1995
while she was in the midst of a personal
tragedy. It proved to be a turning point
in her life and got her writing again,
first with short stories and plays, and
then personal notes which led to a journal
which eventually became The Tao of Tango.
She is now putting the final touches on
one of two new plays, and has begun working
on a screenplay. In addition, her life
experiences and performance background
are proving to be invaluable in her blossoming
public speaking career, and has already
become an award-winning member of Toastmasters
International.
Besides
Tango, public speaking and writing, Johanna
does dots, directs theater, enjoys silence,
hiking in the hills around her home in
California, and has a fetish for felines
- a trait her darling beloved tolerates
bravely.
